“What’s to object?” I asked. “And who is Colin Kaepernick?”
“Well,” Boots opined, “As far as I can tell, he is just some spoiled has-been football player who craves attention and gets it by being obnoxious and unpatriotic. He claims the flag on the shoe carries slavery connotations.”
“Shoot!” I ejaculated. “Give me something else then.”
“As you can see, I don’t have much left in stock. I’m having to close my business.”
“Why is that?” I asked.
“Everything I tried to sell was met with objections,” Boots complained. “First I stocked up on some Birkenstock sandals, but Sarge Spivey – you remember him, don’t you, the Vietnam veteran?—well he said he was offended because they carried connotations for him of those draft-dodging, weed-smoking hippies who spit on him at the airport when he came home. Can’t say I really blame him.
“Then I tried Army boots. Figured I’d get some trade from the folks at Dyess maybe, and for sure from the flag-waving patriotic types who live around these parts. Wouldn’t you know it? Some old burned out hippie from that commune in Rayner came in, Birkenstocks and all, and brought half a dozen protesters with him to object to this symbol of military imperialism.
“The Amish farm shoes were also rejected by young Rousseau, the libertarian freethinker from over at Pastura. He objected to the connotations of a well-ordered, regimented religious lifestyle.
“I tried Turkish and Chinese boots, but all it got me was jeers and catcalls from good old boys who wanted nothing to do with ‘furriners’.
“Finally,” Bootscoot concluded, “I brought in patriotic looking, geographically appropriate, culturally native footwear for hard-working, upright men of honor, to wit, Texas cowboys. But alas, they too had their detractors. The welfare crowd didn’t like the idea of working. The People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals eschewed leather. The little Gore boy added that raising cows causes climate change because of their ‘infatuations’.
“Well, I tell you what, Monk. I’m offended,” said Bootscoot, as he locked the door for the last time.
